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Post by Grace on Apr 10, 2008 20:54:43 GMT -5
I don't know how you do what you do I'm so in love with you It just keeps getting better I want to spend the rest of my life With you by my side Forever and ever Every little thing that you do Baby, I'm amazed by you
A.n.g.e.l
4-10-2008
Have you ever wished for something so hard that you never thought it was going to come true? Well, I always do. It feels like I'll never have the same connection with Gerard as I did two years ago. Matt has seemed to forgive my actions, but there is always a tense atmosphere when I'm trying to talk to Gerard. I have a feeling that we'll never be the same. Even when I kiss him it's not the same. There's not that surge of electricity that came when our relashionship was newer.
I closed the leatherbond journal that I kept my thoughts in. It wasn't really a diary persay because I drew and wrote down my lyrics in it. I just needed to get away from it all. I sat under a birch tree and sighed, closing my eyes as my black hair wafted with the breeze.
[/center][/blockquote][/size]
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Post by mustang5jk2 on Apr 12, 2008 18:31:02 GMT -5
I am finding out that maybe I was wrong That I've fallen down and can't do this alone Stay with me, this is what I need, please?
Sing me a song and I'll sing it back to you I could sing my own But what would it be without you?
I am nothing now and it's been so long Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope This time I will be listening
Gerard tapped his pen against a sketchbook, staring out across the pasture. Two black fillies nipped at and chased each other, occasionally squealing and snorting. Black Mariah and Luxurious looked identical, but their personalities were opposites. While Mariah was usually rambunctious and full of tricks, Lux was generally quiet and gentle. The two were thick as theives, and some of Mariah's liveliness was starting to rub off on Lux.
He turned his attention back towards the empty page, the corner of his lips turning downwards. He'd come out here in hopes of finding inspiration for a song or poem, but nothing was coming to him. Finally, he gave up for the time being.
4-10-2008
I've spent all this time waiting for Angel to come back. I thought that maybe it would be the same when she came, that we'd just fall back in love. Somehow it's different. She's being cautious around me; I can see it in her eyes. I know I am. It's hard, waiting so long for someone to come back, not sure if they've moved on. Some of the trust that we used to have for one another has disappeared, and I don't know how long it'll take for us to start rebuilding it.
I know I care about her, but it's so hard to be around her some times. I spent so many miserable nights worrying about her, and sometimes I wonder if she cares. Those bitter feelings keep getting mixed up with the part of me that wants her back. Sometimes, I want her back so badly it makes me ache inside. If I think about it too long, it sometimes becomes hard to breathe. I wish I knew what it would take to get her back. [/font][/sub][/center]
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Grace whose computer is dumb
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Post by Grace whose computer is dumb on Apr 13, 2008 21:15:58 GMT -5
Angel
I picked the journal up again and scribbled down a quick sketch of Mariah and Lux playing, as I was doing so, I wrote a bit more.
4-10-08 Continued:
This is crazy. I don't know why I've been avoiding Gerard like this, this isn't like me. Even I know, myself, that this isn't right. Maybe I just hurt him too badly when I left. I feel horrible about it now, I wish I would've known the guilt that could follow, I never would've left. Woah! Is that him over there? Dammit. Why does he always appear at times like this? Well, I'm signing off maybe I can get up the guts to go over to him.
I knew that this was going to happen. I could feel it in my bones. He always seemed to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, at least with me. I sighed and tucked the leather book under my arm. My eyebrows furrowed as I walked over to Gerard. I folded myself down so I was cross-legged and sat next to him. I took his free hand in mine and laid my head on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry." [/center]
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Post by mustang5jk2 on Apr 14, 2008 13:21:19 GMT -5
With a sigh, Gerard looked up from his sketchbook to the filies. To be so carefree, he thought. Horses had it good, Gerard decided. You were fed, taken care of, and given treats. You would have only an hour or two of work, then the rest of the day you could play or just lay out in the pasture and let the sun warm you.
On the page besdie the one he'd written the entry on, he began to draw himself as a horse. Drawing horses was easy for him, so it didn't take too long. He'd just finished when he noticed Angel approaching him. He quickly signed his initials in the lower right hand corner, then returned to the entry.
Here she comes. No more hiding.
He left the sketchbook open, only the drawing showing. Gerard remained silent as their fingers entwined and she lay her head on his shoulder. His impassive facade remained in place until she spoke.
Sorry? Why?
Gerard's drawing
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Post by Grace on Apr 14, 2008 16:41:35 GMT -5
Angel
Seeing his impassive expression, Angel was afraid that she had moved to quickly, that he wasn't ready for her to apologize. Maybe she wasn't ready to. Her eyes fell to the drawing of the horse. It's flared nostrils and forward-pricked ears made it seem frightened, or curious. But, it peered around with wise, knowing eyes that made you fel as if the animal was more intelligent than it was letting on....A bit like Gerard if you thought about it.
"Because of how horrible I've been to you. It was inexcusable and horrindously mean of me to leave like that, and I feel guilty. Gerard, we both know that I love you and that its not fair for me to act like this. If I were mentally correct, I never would've done that if I loved you."
The explanation, although slightly confusing, was heartfelt and true. [/center]
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Post by mustang5jk2 on Apr 15, 2008 10:21:04 GMT -5
Gerard could see the fear in her eyes as she looked up at him, and immediately was swallowed by a wave of guilt. Perhaps the impassive act had been a little too impressive. He softened his expression, making it more concerned than apathetic.
angel, you don't have to apologize. You were freaking out, so you bailed. I get that. If I'd been in your shoes, I would have done the same. And I'm not just saying that. His thumb lightly ran up and down her skin. Yeah, you should have just come to me and talked it out, but I know that's a hard thing to do. The hand not holding hers cupped her chin and brought her face up so she could look him in the eye. And you are mentally correct. You just got scared. And as hard as being without you was for me, I still love you.
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Post by Grace on Apr 16, 2008 21:11:30 GMT -5
Angel
She listened silently to what Gerard had to say. She chewed on her lower lip, but stopped immediately as his hand cupped her chin.
"Thank you...."
There was a momentary halt, as Angel waited a beat before speaking again.
"I love you too."
She finished and brought her chin down from his grasp, curling next to his side in the crook of his arm. She began to think about her return to Kingwood the last time. The first time that she returned, she had found Gerard drunk and passed out, sleeping off a hangover. But, the latest time that she had ran away and returned, it she she, Angel, that had screwed herself up. She was surprised that Gerard believed that it was her.
"I was so screwed up last time I came back, I'm surprised you believed that it was me. Not some crack-head that was posing as me."
Angel mumured quietly, her emerald eyes meeting the depths of Gerard's. The one place that she knew she could look forever and never look away. [/center]
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Post by mustang5jk2 on Apr 17, 2008 10:42:50 GMT -5
Her words made his heart leap, as they always did. Thank you, he murmured, then kissed the top of her head. He loved the way she fit him, as if each had been made with the other in mind. The solitude was comforting instead of awkward, as it had been since she'd returned. He was practically dozing off by the time she spoke again.
I knew you were in there, somewhere. His voice was soft and rich, and as smooth as honey. I just didn't know how far in. I hoped that you were just beneath the surface, that you were ready to come up at any time. It was insane how her very stare made him melt. It was suprising that he wasn't a puddle of Gerard in the grass. I don't know how far in you were, but that doesn't matter now. You're you, and that's all I care about.
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Post by Grace on Apr 17, 2008 21:14:16 GMT -5
Angel
Angel was very nearly putty in Gerard's hands as he kissed the top of her head. As he spoke again, Angel realized she had been wondering how deep she was buried as well. She sighed and kissed his lips before laying her head back on his shoulder.
"How I can deserve you, I have yet to figure out."
Angel murmured into Gerard's shoulder. [/center]
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Post by mustang5jk2 on Apr 24, 2008 13:51:28 GMT -5
His lips melted beneath hers, no matter how brief the kiss. Gerard let his head rest gently on hers. He picked up her quiet murmur as the words hummed into his skin.
I can't figure out how I deserve you. He was fully aware that this was mushy couple-talk, which he'd never thought would come out of his mouth, but he meant it. Bu I think we should just agree that we love what we've got and not question it. A grin turned up the corners of his mouth and a light blush creeped up into his cheeks. He wasn't entirely sure why he blushed, for it was something that rarely happpened. Instead, he continued.
I know I do.
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Post by Grace on Apr 24, 2008 22:26:41 GMT -5
Angel
There's a little something there, That I've never felt before, and I never want to live without it again.
As Gerard spoke, his warm breath trickled down Angel's neck, making gooseflesh appear on her neck before she moved her head slightly to look up at him. She grinned softly as a blush crept across his cheeks, she gently brushed her fingertips across his cheek, still smiling. "For once," She began, "You make perfect sense." She murmured and once again her lips were on his. [/blockquote]
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Post by mustang5jk2 on Apr 30, 2008 14:42:19 GMT -5
My heart, it beats Beats for only you My heart is yours
He smiled as goosebumps raced across the skin on the back of her neck. His lips brushed gently against the nape of her neck before he straightened up so he could meet her eyes as she spoke. Chills ran up his spine as her fingertips grazed his cheek. For what felt like the thousandth time in his lifetime, Gerard marvelled at how every touch was like a gift sent from heaven.
You'd be amazed how often that happens, he replied softly, leaning in. As usualy, fireowrks went off in his body as their lips touched. Warmth spread throughout him as his lips moved gently against hers. All at once, he realized how much he'd missed Angel. This kiss scattered any doubts he'd carried for the past weeks and made him feel whole again.
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Post by Grace on May 1, 2008 20:42:42 GMT -5
Angel ||
Millions of imagined pinpricks ran throughout Angel's body as Gerard's lips moved against hers in unsion. There was no doubt in Angel's mind that Gerard had honestly missed her as much as she had missed him. She didn't enjoy admitting it, but, if she had had the chance to, she would've curled up into a ball and let the wave of guilt that she felt for leaving him high and dry take over and drown her. She gently ran her hand up his arm and rested it around his neck, pulling herself yet closer to him, her body molding close into his side. As she began to feel lightheaded, she slowly pulled away, reluctant, and took a deep, shaking breath. [/blockquote]
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Post by mustang5jk2 on May 14, 2008 20:32:09 GMT -5
As Angel moved in closer to him, Gerard's arms wound around her waist. He pulled her in as close to him as possible. Though his actions were somewhat rough, his lips remained gentle and sweet. It seemed like it'd only been a few seconds before she pulled away. Just went to show how he lost himself when he was with Angel.
That was...wow, Gerard said softly, but shakily. He was suprised to find he had been left breathless as well.
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Post by Grace on Jun 6, 2008 9:17:04 GMT -5
Angel ||
Although she was slightly suprised by Gerards' rough movements, she still let it pass with the sweetness and innocence of his kiss. A slight grin passed across her lips as he spoke, his voice shaky with breathlessness. She curled into his side and laid her head on the nape of his neck, contentment radiating out of her every cell.
It was amazingly easy for Angel to be around Gerard. She had never been able to relate to someone so easily before in her life. Maybe it was that they were both "emos" as many people liked to label people with different tastes than themselves. Or maybe it was just what life had intended for them to do. To fall hopelessly for the other one. [/blockquote]
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Post by mustang5jk2 on Jul 11, 2008 10:40:51 GMT -5
As the two sat there, taking each other in and catching their breath, an image flashed before Gerard's eyes. It was an image he'd thought about often, but had never actually been able to visualize. He found it strange that he was able to know, after everything that had happened. Not that any of that mattered anymore, but still. He bit his lower lip, wondering what Angel would think if he told her what he had seen.
In that moment, he saw a few seconds where he and Angel stood in a church, saying their fows. He saw them as they walked down an aisle, smiling and waving, dressed in classic wedding attire. He saw themselves a few years down the road in a small house in the middle the woods, with horses grazing in paddocks and dogs running around the land, chasing each other in an endless game of tag. And finally, he saw a small child, giggling and stretching it's arms up, begging to be held.
Alll these images were fantastic to him, yet he didn't know what they would be to Angel. Though he wanted deeply to tell her what he saw, he restrained himself. He'd just gotten Angel back, and didn't want to scare her off again. Hopefully, it would all come in good time.
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Post by Grace on Jul 12, 2008 22:34:40 GMT -5
Angel .x.
Watching Gerard's face with inquisitive eyes, Angel became curious. She watched him slightly cautiously, trying to figure out what he was thinking about. It was obviously something that he didn't know if it should be shared or not. She reached up and brushed her figertips across his jawline, watching his expression intently. She let her hand drop to his shoulder.
"What are you thinking about?"
Her voice was a musical murmur in the silence of dusk. Angel let her eyes fall to the ground, and then out to the fillies that had finally calmed. She plucked a piece of grass with her fingertips and folded it with them before flicking it a few feet away. With Gerard's silence, and the quietness of the surrounding area, Angel began to think about her future. With all her might, she hoped that it would be with Gerard. She could see a collage of a small house in the woods, mixed with her, Gerard, and Freisian foals and their mums. For a brief moment, she could see two children, running with their horses as Angel carried a toddler on her hip.
Angel looked back to Gerard, and took his hand bringing it to her lips, before holding it to her cheek. [/blockquote]
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Post by mustang5jk2 on Jul 15, 2008 12:26:13 GMT -5
Gerard debated with himself internally while he watched Angel as she thought. Though he didn't want to scare her off, she had asked him. Besides, maybe she thought about the future as much as he did. Besides, telling her what he was thinking didn't mean that he had to go into intricate details. He could keep it vague. Perhaps she would realize what part of the future he was thinking about and wouldn't want to talk about it. On the other hand, perhaps she would know what he meant and want to know more. Finally, he came to a decision.
The future, he replied quietly.
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Post by Grace on Jul 17, 2008 10:09:51 GMT -5
Angel .x.
Angel watched Gerard intently as he paused before speaking to her. There was something bugging him, she knew him well enough that she could tell that. Angel looked up at him, knowing that his green gaze wouldn't meet hers. "What about the future?" She asked as innocently as she could. If he didn't want to talk about it, she'd understand and leave it at that. But, she would prefer that he talk to her instead of keeping it to himself. Angel plucked a few strands of grass from the ground and fiddled with them as she waited for Gerard's reply to her question.
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Post by mustang5jk2 on Jul 18, 2008 10:14:09 GMT -5
Gerard sighed softly and fixed his gaze on a point on the horizon. The only reason he was hesitant was the potential of scaring her off; it wasn't like he didn't want her to know. Hopefully, she wouldn't freak out.
Our future. What's going to happen to us in a few years. He shook his head and his gaze dropped the grass they sat on. Don't worry about it, I'm sure it's the last thing you want to talk about it. He mumbled, keeping his eyes averted.
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